You can ruin your child’s day by saying ‘Good Morning’ too cheerfully.

Your bathroom surfaces are crammed with more toiletries than Boots, including several different flavours of Lynx and countless sweet, fruity body sprays.

Despite that everything smells like armpits or feet.

Your phone charger is never where you left it. Neither are your headphones. There’s a high chance you’ll never see either again.

If you do manage to locate a charger your child freaks out if you charge your own phone as theirs is much more important.

There’s a teetering pile of worn-once laundry on the floor of your child’s room but they still claim they have absolutely nothing to wear.

The expensive foundation/nail polish/moisturiser you bought keeps going missing and comes back with half its content missing.

There’s always a knife covered in butter and toast crumbs lying on the draining board.

A loaf of bread lasts about 10 minutes and you constantly have to keep up a supply of fresh loaves.

There are always cartons of milk in the fridge with half a centimetre of milk left in the bottom, boxes of cereal in the cupboard with about 7 flakes left in the packet and toilet roll on the hanger with one teeny weeny scrap of loo roll left.

No one even bothers to get up or greet you when you get home except the dog.

You’re child wants you to get out of their life. But only after you’ve lent them a tenner and given them a lift into town.

Visiting your child’s room is like a trip to Ikea. You pop in just for a look and come out with 13 mugs, 4 plates, 7 glasses and a dozen teaspoons.

Everything you say and do, including breathing is, apparently, wrong, embarrassing and/or annoying.

You say at least one thing each day that is met with an eye roll.

You don’t understand every fifth word that your child says but when you ask them what a certain word means they tell you it’s not worth explaining.

Doors in your house are hanging off the hinges from all the slamming.

All of the above  –  but you wouldn’t change it for the world.