Dear mama,
So you’ve had one of those days when everything you do seems to be wrong. Whatever you try seems to be thrown back in your face.
A day when you tried to go out for a nice trip in the park and instead your child whined and threw a tantrum so bad you had to pick him up and carry him all the way home.
A day when your children just wouldn’t listen and pressed all your buttons until you ended up a shrieking mess and everyone cried (including you).
A day when you had so little sleep the night before that you couldn’t drag up any of the usual patience and you ended up snapping at everyone.
A day when everything seems horrible and which you feel brought out the very worst in you as a mother. It even made you think of yourself as a bad mum.
Whatever happened to make you feel like you were totally failing as a mother today, know that other mums have been through it too.
Having a bad day doesn’t mean you’re a bad mum. So go easy on yourself mama, and remember too the amazing things that you do.
In any other role an off-day wouldn’t make you feel like a failure.
Think about this. If you make one silly mistake or have an off day at work do you automatically think you’re rubbish at your job and should resign immediately?
If you have an argument with your partner, do you then write yourself off as sucking at relationships? Do you rush down to the nearest solicitor’s office to file for divorce on the grounds that you’re a terrible spouse?
If you snap at your sister or mum because you’re tired and fed up, then do you imagine they’ll never forgive you and that you’re a horrible person?
No. Chances are you cut yourself some slack and tell yourself that you just had an off day. Chances are you don’t let a cloud of failure follow you around for days or weeks.
You don’t write yourself off as a total loss. So why are we so hard on ourselves when we have an off day and consider ourselves a bad mum?
If you have a bad day then brush it off as just that. You might spend the night worrying about being a bad mum but your child will wake up the next morning having forgotten about the events of the day before. He will probably greet you with a big smile and a sense of adventure, ready for the exciting day ahead.
Because you’re Mummy and for your child, you’re their everything. You’re their rule maker and squishy hug giver, you’re the teacher of lessons and their favourite jokester. There’s no one quite like mum.
All the other mums seem to have it all sorted
The worst thing about having a bad mum day, is that all the other mums you meet or talk to seem to have it all worked out.
They all seem calm, content and patient and to have beautifully behaved children. Remember it’s not true.
No mum is perfect and no children are perfectly behaved. Kids all have days where they’re difficult and us mums have days when it all gets on top of us.
It’s just that we don’t always admit it. We often present the best sides of ourselves when we’re out in public.
That perfect mum with the angelic child you saw in the supermarket, when yours was hurling herself on the floor? She probably had to face a public meltdown in the freezer aisle last week.
That serene mum sitting on the park bench smiling as her child plays happily in the sandpit? An hour earlier her child might have refused for the hundredth time to put on her shoes.
The mum may have lost it and shouted at her at the top of her voice, quickly feeling like the worst mum in the world shortly afterwards.
Don’t think every other mum you see hasn’t felt exactly like you do right now. We ALL have bad days and days when we get it wrong.
Remember that this too, shall pass
It may seem that the tantrums are never ending, the battle to get everyone to sleep is eternal, the mealtime protests get louder and louder, but remember that these are phases. Very long phases that seem never-ending, but they are phases and they will pass.
There will be last tantrums and squeals, last middle of the night awakenings and last throws of food on the floor.
There will also be last nights that they come running into your bed, last times they hold onto you so tight when you go to leave the room and last times they find that funny dance you do the most hilarious thing in the world.
Take the bad times with the heart-meltingly beautiful times, and remember that it will get easier. And there will come a time when you can sleep again!
You STILL show up, no matter what
How many times have you dragged your exhausted body out of bed and rocked your crying baby to sleep when your body was bone tired?
How many times have you stroked your sleeping toddler’s face as they slept, even after a day of whining and moaning until you lost your rag and it all went wrong?
No matter how tired or overwhelmed you feel, how sick or busy you are, you’re always there. Because you love your babies to their bones and that makes you the best mum.
If you were a bad mum, would you be beating yourself up about any mistakes you make along the way?
Would you be feeling like you messed up or got it wrong?
If you weren’t invested or didn’t care then you wouldn’t worry. The very fact that you’re stressing out about whether you’re a good mum means you care and you are.
Forget today and welcome tomorrow
OK today was a bad day. It was a day where you felt like you got everything wrong and that all your children will remember of you is a shouty blubbering mess. But tomorrow’s another day. Let it go.
Have a cup of tea, a big glass of wine, or a bubble bath and get into bed early. Face the next day with hopes that it will be one with laughter and beautiful moments.
After a good night’s sleep you will feel better and do better tomorrow. You might have spent the day fretting about how you’re failing as a mother but your child hasn’t.
The wonderful thing about young children is that they live in the moment. Today might have been crap but tomorrow is another day. You’re doing the best you can, if you’re doing that you’re doing an amazing job.
